A Letter to My Son

to my dearly beloved son,

Arzanka Zidan Giovanni..

Hai permata hati Mama, akhirnya baca tulisan ini ya hihihi.. sudah berapa tahun Nak usiamu sekarang? Mama menulis ini di tanggal 7 Februari 2019, hari dimana usiamu genap satu tahun. Zidan lagi bobo nih di samping Mama.. Kata Papa, Zidan itu paling mirip Mama kalau lagi bobo hehe

Cintaku Zidan.. hari-hari seperti ini mengingatkan Mama betapa seringnya Mama meminta Allah untuk kehadiranmu di hidup Mama.. dan sedari pertama Mama mendengar tangisanmu, Zidan sudah merebut seluruh hati Mama (maaf ya Pa 😝) tapi bener deh Nak, Mama didn’t even know that my heart could love a person this much.. You taught me the meaning of love -- true, unconditional love.

Sejak adanya Zidan, Mama belajar banyak sekali hal baru. Seperti Mama tuh suka banget ya tidur, tapi dari awal lahir itu tiap jam Zidan bangun dan minta mimik, sampai setelah Zidan satu tahun lahir, masih aja loh tiap malem Zidan kebangun dan ajak Mama bergadang. 

Mama jadi tau kalau Mama could endure all the tiredness and the pain just to make sure you could grow healthy.

Mama juga belajar untuk lebih teratur dan tidak (terlalu) ceroboh lagi, because Mama knew this lil creature depending his life on Mama..

Satu hal yang Mama pelajari dengan baik adalah bagaimana menjadi tidak egois, tidak lagi mengedepankan diri. Prioritas Mama berubah sepenuhnya Nak. Mulai dari pekerjaan hingga mimpi, Mama rela menunda dulu semuanya untuk bisa fokus menemani Zidan tumbuh dan berkembang. Sulit Nak sebenarnya untuk Mama, banyak malam yang Mama lewati dengan “what if..” , tapi Mama sure it was worth the effort untuk melihat Zidan yang  sudah tumbuh dengan baik dan sekarang sedang membaca tulisan ini.. Iya kan, Nak?

Zidan pelipur laranya Mama.. banyak sekali harapan dan doa Mama untuk Zidan.. 

Mama berdoa, agar Zidan bisa tumbuh dan berkembang dengan sehat dan bahagia..

Semoga Zidan bisa selalu menjadi pribadi yang qurrata’ayun, menyenangkan dan menenangkan sekeliling Zidan..

Semoga Zidan memiliki umur yang panjang, sehat, berkah dan banyak memberi manfaat untuk orang lain..

Zidan semangat hidupnya Mama.. selalu ingat untuk tempatkan Allah di atas segalanya. Allah dulu, Allah lagi, Allah selalu..

Jangan pernah sekalipun Zidan tinggalkan sholat, karena sholatlah yang menjaga dunia serta akhirat Zidan.

Selalu jadikan Alquran sebagai pedoman hidup Zidan ya.. wah mimpi Mama, Zidan bisa menjadi seorang hafidz quran.. sekarang sudah berapa juz Nak hafalanmu?

Doa yang paling utamanya tentunya agar Zidan menjadi anak sholeh, yg bisa menjadi amal jariyah Mama, yg doanya bisa terus mengalir dan menyelamatkan Mama Papa jika kelak Mama Papa sudah tidak ada..

Zidan penyejuk hatinya Mama.. 

kelak usiamu akan terus bertambah, semakin dewasa nanti Zidan akan mengerti bahwa hidup tidak semudah itu. There will be times that life turns you down. 

Jadilah pribadi yang kuat, kuat untuk mengejar cita, kuat untuk melewati rintangan, kuat untuk melawan ketidak adilan. Jadilah pribadi yang jujur, jujur untuk tau apa yang Zidan mau dan jujur untuk mengakui kesalahan.  

Zidan bahagianya Mama.. 

Bermimpilah setinggi langit, namun dengan hati yang selalu membumi. Percaya bahwa Zidan bisa mendapatkan yang Zidan citakan, selama Zidan berusaha, bekerja keras, dan terus berdoa.

Nak, life only happens once, so live the life that gives meaning, for you and for others. Karena sebaik-baiknya manusia adalah yang bisa memberi manfaat untuk orang lain Nak.

Go travel as far as you can but don’t forget to stop along the way to help people. 

Don’t worry about things you can’t control, enjoy the moment - be present.

Acknowledge the simple things, 

respect all the people around you, 

always be grateful. 

And Son, please always know your worth, because you’re priceless to me.

Last but not least,

Aa Zidanku, cimbulku, Zankaku, anakku sayang..

Mama tidak tau berapa lama Mama dan Papa bisa terus bersama Zidan, tapi selalu ingat bahwa di setiap langkah yang Zidan ambil, doa dan cinta Mama Papa akan selalu menyertai..

Selamat ulang tahun cintanya Mama.. habis baca ini langsung telpon Mama ya, Mama kangen nih denger Zidan bilang “i love you, Ma..”

Dear birthday boy

To my life partner,

Today marks 28 years of your life, quite a ride so far isn't it? So i'll press the pause button for a while to celebrate you, on this day.

I've been only a small part (also in a short period) of that ride, but be ready, fasten your seatbelt because you still have the rest of your life to spend with me, and i must say that it would be such a crazy and loooooong one 😋

To be truthfully honest, we didn't really get our newlywed phase, what we got was months of learning. we learned about each other's likes and dislikes, we learned about things that might hurt each other, we learned how to hold down the ego and respect each other.

The more time we spent together, the more i see your true color.

I want to start by saying that for all this time, you are the one who's looking after me. You really take a good care of me and put so much attention when it comes to me. The way that you make your time for me is something that i really cherish. 
I always feel such sense of gratefulness and relief to know that you will always be around while other women complain about how hard it is to keep their spouse around. 
I don't think i've said it to you enough times, but i DO feel grateful to have you in my life.

You really are a keeper, you're not doing anything that will make me insecure or jealous, you make my heart at ease. 

You know how i usually hate when you start putting some silly faces on, or making some annoying sounds, but here's a thing you don't know: i secretly enjoyed all of those time.

You work really hard, even when you have a choice to take the easiest way. that's something i really admire and i can't wait to tell our future children about this quality that their daddy has.

Well, talking about the future children, i know the only thing better than you being a husband is you- being a father.

I pray that God gives you courage and strength to take all the chances and opportunities, the ones that you love to do, no matter how hard it can be or no matter what others think about it.

I must have done something really right in the past to deserve such a loving, patient, hardworking, and bighearted husband like you.

I pray that God gives you love and tenderness for your heart, so you can always see the good in everything, so you can take the positivity from everyone you meet.

I pray that God makes you more of family person, for both our sides, and for our own fam in the future.

I pray that God gives you wealth and prosperity so you can help the others more.

I pray that God gives you health, so we can spend lots and lots of time in the future making silly faces to annoy each other, and celebrate many more birthdays together.

And i pray that whatever happen in the future, no matter how bumpy our road will be, and no matter how hard the upcoming tests, we will always have each other holding hand, tighter and stronger.

I know i didn't say it much often, but from my deepest heart, i love you.

Happy birthday sayang. See you soon!

Teruntuk wanita yang paling dimuliakan Tuhan..

Ibuu, hari itu mungkin merupakan salah satu hari terberat dalam hidupmu, dimana engkau harus melepaskan satu-satunya anak perempuan yang engkau punya.. Katanya, akan beda rasanya saat orang tua menikahkan anak perempuannya dibanding anak lelakinya. Karena ketika seorang anak perempuan menikah, seluruh bakti utamanya tak lagi untuk ibu maupun bapaknya, melainkan untuk suaminya. Surganya tak lagi terletak di telapak kaki ibunya, melainkan di kaki suaminya..
Ibu.. Mungkin ini bisa sedikit meringankan pilu di hatimu, bahwa lelaki pilihanku sungguh begitu sayang padaku, bahwa dia begitu berusaha untuk selalu membuat anak perempuanmu ini bahagia, bahwa betapa aku percaya dia akan menyayangimu dan seluruh keluarga seperti dia menyayangi keluarganya sendiri..
Ibu.. Sungguh bahagia dan haru meliputiku di hari itu, tentang bagaimana Tuhan mendengarkan setiap doa malamku, untuk menghapus semua sakit dan menggantinya dengan bahagia, seiring dengan kedatangan lelakiku ini..
Tapi ibu, tangisku pecah saat menatapmu di hari itu.. Tetiba memori tentangmu berkelabat di pikiranku.. Aku ingat bagaimana ibu mengantar jemputku ke sekolah dengan angkutan umum di waktu kecilku, aku ingat bagaimana senyum banggamu menyambutku dengan rapor di tanganku, aku ingat bagaimana ibu berusaha menahan untuk tidak mengeluarkan kata-kata keras saat memarahiku, karena engkau tau, betapa kata dan doa yg terucap dari bibir seorang ibulah yang paling Tuhan dengar..
Ibu, tangisku pecah karena aku ingat, berapa banyak kelak malam yang akan engkau lewati dengan sendiri, berapa banyak waktu yang engkau habiskan dengan bekerja hanya untuk mengalihkan sepi..
Ibu, tangisku pecah saat aku sadar ketika bakti utamaku sudah berpindah, abdiku padamu masih jauh dari sempurna. Ketika aku tau betapa aku menyiakan waktu bukannya untuk mengecup surga di kakimu melainkan menoreh luka di hatimu.
Ibu........ Aku sungguh bersyukur dan bahagia mendapatkan lelaki pilihanku, yang aku tau setengahnya ku dapat karena doa doa tulus darimu.. tapi yang buat tangisku pecah, adalah ketika aku membayangkan engkau dengan ikhlas merelakan doa kebahagiaan untukmu, agar aku yang mendapatkannya..
Ibu... Kuhanturkan doa untukmu.. Agar senantiasa Tuhan berikan kedamaian di hatimu, agar senantiasa Tuhan menaruh bahagia di jalanmu dan menghapus semua pilu dari hidupmu, agar senantiasa Tuhan mengganti semua pedihmu di dunia dengan kebahagiaan yang sejati di akhirat nanti..
Ibu... Aku tidak pergi, aku hanya melangkah mengarungi hidup yang baru dengan lelaki ini, tapi tetap restumulah tempat aku kembali..
Rabbigh firli wa li walidayya warhamhuma kamaa Rabbayani Soghiro..

yes, i do.

they say.. "woman, find a man that loves you bigger, the one that puts you up on his priority, the one that goes extra miles just to make you smile..", and i think, i have finally found that man….

\

then "Marry Me" by Train was played as a backsound,

and this's what he said before he kneeled down:

"Sayang,

It seems that we ve been knowing each other for years,

Before meeting you, I was lost, always hoping to finish my day early and dream about tomorrow.

But then I met you, a beautiful caring, the most perfect girl that god ever brought into my life. 

I still remember how you kept the chat alive on the first day we met, even I was really nervous that I did not finish my meal. 

And I have always enjoyed every seconds spent with you ever since. 

yang..You have always brightened up my life even on my rough days.

Athieqah, I do believe that you are the answer to my prayers. 

I love you, and I promise I wont share my love to anyone but you. 

You are the one I wanna grow old with. 

And I know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it.

So..

(on bended knee, opened up the box)

Athieqah Asy-syahidah, will you marry me?"

So tell me, how can i say no? :)

-Anantara Seminyak, Bali, 2016-

My Own Kind of Mr. Right

In a relationship, surely we always search for the one, a partner that will accompany us throughout this bumpy and messy journey called life. I am indeed a very helpless romantic girl, a girl who believes in happily ever after, and has faith in the bells will ring when the one is finally arrive.

For almost 27 years of life, I have spent lots of relationship and it came along with a lot of heartbreaks too. 

More often than not, even when i feel “head over heels” for someone, the question tickles — “Is he The One?”

Through those relationships (and heartbreaks) I learned to distinguish what’s truly matter and what’s not, I learned to see my own value, and I finally know what I really pursue in a person.

It’s really not easy finding someone who’s just made for you, logic plus experience tells us that there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect, but I believe that Mr. Right does exist..
For me, Mr. Right is someone who doesn't make sense for anyone else, who just doesnt work with others, but with you - everything fit perfectly. 

2015 was a devastating year for me, the worst heartbreak that I could possibly have.
On that moment I seriously thought that I would never be able to open my heart anymore. 
How could I open it if it’s only just some broken pieces?

But again, I was wrong. It’s always able to be opened, only by the right one. 

And the right one not just opened, he even fixed it J

This guy.. He came all in sudden.

I didn’t hear the ring of the bell or feel the butterflies flew on my stomach on the first day I met him, 

but somehow, there was a huge eagerness to know him better.

And the more days I spent with him, the better I know him, the more qualities I found.

See, I believe everyone has different criteria and priorities of what they search for in a man, 

but now as I grown up, I see lots of thing in different perspectives.

and he’s kinda has what I need..

Top of everything, kindness holds the top spot on my list — a characteristic I simply cannot live without.
And from the day one, it was his kindness that I straightly notice. 

He treats kids, waiters, friends, strangers and everyone around him gently and kindly. 

Can you imagine how he treat me? J

Days passed, turned out that he’s such a family man. 

He’s the fifth child, or the youngest we can say, and he’s the only man among his siblings. 

He treats her mother like a queen and his dad is his role model for life. He is so close with all his sisters, he knows each of his niece or nephew’s favorite toys, and he puts so much respect on his in laws.

He takes a really good care of his family, he doesn’t get shy to show his affection by hugging and kissing all member of family and he never forget to keep contact with them every single day. 

Can you imagine when he run his own family? J

Since he is such a family man, I guess it’s not hard for him to get along with mine.
He’s willing to take huge leaps to make sure my family and friends like him and see how much he cares for me.
He likes my family and i like his family, and it goes along with his family likes me and my family likes him.
I believe life is so much easier when we have each other’s family’s approval and blessings.
Everyone just gets along better, for the most part.

The closer we get, the more mesmerized I could be and I am surprised at just how much this guy notices about me, he knows all my particular particulars. 

He knows what-is-to and what-is-not to order for me at a restaurant, his gifts are thoughtful and magical, he cherishes everything about me and remember every little thing I say. 

It’s like, he listens twenty-four seven or something, 

and it’s always nice to have someone that actually listen.

For me, one of the biggest key to have a long and healthy relationship is having a great communication.

You and your partner should have the comfort to talk and share about everything that is going on in your life,
from the daily boring routines to your biggest dreams.
You need to be able to share and listen, and it should be balanced between the two of you. 

With him, I never run out of words. 

He pays a strong level of interest to my goals and dreams, he even always want to know how my day was. 

He whole-heartedly listen when I discuss something about my life and never make me feel like I’m boring him. 

I am, too, comfortable telling him everything because he makes me believe that he has my best interest at heart, and will always support me throughout my endeavors, and he never judge what I’ve done, because all I am now is a person he falls in love with.

Finding the one means searching for a partner to annoy for the rest of your life, 

but remember, he will annoy you too! 

See, nobody’s perfect, we were all made from a complex series of flaws. 

And this is one of the most important thing we should take a look from someone’s character, his flaws. 

See the way he gets angry, the way he gets jealous, the way he handle problems between you two. See him in his worst day. We can’t expect him to change, trust me, his bad habit will only get worse years by years.. 

you can’t change him, but you can choose carefully what kind of problems you want to face every single day. 

In my case, I have seen him on his worst, but he still treated me the best.

For a very short period, there are many things I adore from him. 

His work ethics, his vision about the future, his huge achievements in such young age, his big love for the family and many more things that I can’t mention one by one here. 

And I always knew that I need a person to admire.

I don’t know how it works but he makes me want to be a better person. 

He makes me want to get up early or learn to cook, he makes me check off everything on my bucket list, and conquer all of my bad habits. He’s overhauled things I thought I knew and wanted, and opened my eyes to a whole new (and better) world that I never knew existed. 

He doesn’t validate my existence, he brightens it. He lets me be me, and he loves every bit of that individuality.

He encourages me in my endeavors and celebrate my success, and I genuinely happy to do the same to him. We’re not competing each other on proving who can do better or proving who’s right or wrong. 

We make such a great team, and we seem to shine in each other’s company.

It must be fun to have life partner that has lots of thing in common,
from favorite hobbies to the same food that we hate. 

But trust me, it’s so hard to find that kind of person, in fact, we often meet a totally different character. 

And it’s totally okay darling.. 

I love seafood and he craves for meat, I never understand men who adores K-Pop and he turned out to be one (padahal pas pertama kenal ngakunya ga sukaaaa), I’m totally not a morning person and he starts his work at 7 at his office, we may well have some interests or hobbles that differ, but when it comes to the big things, we agree 100%. While we may not agree on every little thing, we’re on the same page where it matters. 

We have the same idea of how a relationship should be, what kind of marriage we would like to jump in, how to raise kids, and other long-term life decisions.

Our overall goals, ambitions, virtues and values match.

I do believe that the right one will never leave you wonder whether he loves you or not, 

the right one will never leave you hanging with “where this is going on” – kinda question,
because men basically like hunters, they always go hard for what they want. 

And for me, this is the best criteria He has, He always make me feel wanted. 

Through all his small gestures give such a big impact for me. He never leave my texts unanswered, he posts my picture in his social media, he always make time for me even in his busiest days, he takes me to his inner circle, he calls just to say he miss me, and even in my ugliest days – he never stop staring at me and say “I always admire your beauty”. 

He doesn’t make promises, he takes real actions. 

He owns up to our relationship, he shows the world that he is proud to have me. 

He makes me feel loved, secure, and treasured.

And yeah, from all those criteria above, i think my journey has come to its end when I met him, Emyr Giovanni, my own kind of mr. right.

Bali, 2016