Teruntuk wanita yang paling dimuliakan Tuhan..

Ibuu, hari itu mungkin merupakan salah satu hari terberat dalam hidupmu, dimana engkau harus melepaskan satu-satunya anak perempuan yang engkau punya.. Katanya, akan beda rasanya saat orang tua menikahkan anak perempuannya dibanding anak lelakinya. Karena ketika seorang anak perempuan menikah, seluruh bakti utamanya tak lagi untuk ibu maupun bapaknya, melainkan untuk suaminya. Surganya tak lagi terletak di telapak kaki ibunya, melainkan di kaki suaminya..
Ibu.. Mungkin ini bisa sedikit meringankan pilu di hatimu, bahwa lelaki pilihanku sungguh begitu sayang padaku, bahwa dia begitu berusaha untuk selalu membuat anak perempuanmu ini bahagia, bahwa betapa aku percaya dia akan menyayangimu dan seluruh keluarga seperti dia menyayangi keluarganya sendiri..
Ibu.. Sungguh bahagia dan haru meliputiku di hari itu, tentang bagaimana Tuhan mendengarkan setiap doa malamku, untuk menghapus semua sakit dan menggantinya dengan bahagia, seiring dengan kedatangan lelakiku ini..
Tapi ibu, tangisku pecah saat menatapmu di hari itu.. Tetiba memori tentangmu berkelabat di pikiranku.. Aku ingat bagaimana ibu mengantar jemputku ke sekolah dengan angkutan umum di waktu kecilku, aku ingat bagaimana senyum banggamu menyambutku dengan rapor di tanganku, aku ingat bagaimana ibu berusaha menahan untuk tidak mengeluarkan kata-kata keras saat memarahiku, karena engkau tau, betapa kata dan doa yg terucap dari bibir seorang ibulah yang paling Tuhan dengar..
Ibu, tangisku pecah karena aku ingat, berapa banyak kelak malam yang akan engkau lewati dengan sendiri, berapa banyak waktu yang engkau habiskan dengan bekerja hanya untuk mengalihkan sepi..
Ibu, tangisku pecah saat aku sadar ketika bakti utamaku sudah berpindah, abdiku padamu masih jauh dari sempurna. Ketika aku tau betapa aku menyiakan waktu bukannya untuk mengecup surga di kakimu melainkan menoreh luka di hatimu.
Ibu........ Aku sungguh bersyukur dan bahagia mendapatkan lelaki pilihanku, yang aku tau setengahnya ku dapat karena doa doa tulus darimu.. tapi yang buat tangisku pecah, adalah ketika aku membayangkan engkau dengan ikhlas merelakan doa kebahagiaan untukmu, agar aku yang mendapatkannya..
Ibu... Kuhanturkan doa untukmu.. Agar senantiasa Tuhan berikan kedamaian di hatimu, agar senantiasa Tuhan menaruh bahagia di jalanmu dan menghapus semua pilu dari hidupmu, agar senantiasa Tuhan mengganti semua pedihmu di dunia dengan kebahagiaan yang sejati di akhirat nanti..
Ibu... Aku tidak pergi, aku hanya melangkah mengarungi hidup yang baru dengan lelaki ini, tapi tetap restumulah tempat aku kembali..
Rabbigh firli wa li walidayya warhamhuma kamaa Rabbayani Soghiro..

yes, i do.

they say.. "woman, find a man that loves you bigger, the one that puts you up on his priority, the one that goes extra miles just to make you smile..", and i think, i have finally found that man….

\

then "Marry Me" by Train was played as a backsound,

and this's what he said before he kneeled down:

"Sayang,

It seems that we ve been knowing each other for years,

Before meeting you, I was lost, always hoping to finish my day early and dream about tomorrow.

But then I met you, a beautiful caring, the most perfect girl that god ever brought into my life. 

I still remember how you kept the chat alive on the first day we met, even I was really nervous that I did not finish my meal. 

And I have always enjoyed every seconds spent with you ever since. 

yang..You have always brightened up my life even on my rough days.

Athieqah, I do believe that you are the answer to my prayers. 

I love you, and I promise I wont share my love to anyone but you. 

You are the one I wanna grow old with. 

And I know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it.

So..

(on bended knee, opened up the box)

Athieqah Asy-syahidah, will you marry me?"

So tell me, how can i say no? :)

-Anantara Seminyak, Bali, 2016-

My Own Kind of Mr. Right

In a relationship, surely we always search for the one, a partner that will accompany us throughout this bumpy and messy journey called life. I am indeed a very helpless romantic girl, a girl who believes in happily ever after, and has faith in the bells will ring when the one is finally arrive.

For almost 27 years of life, I have spent lots of relationship and it came along with a lot of heartbreaks too. 

More often than not, even when i feel “head over heels” for someone, the question tickles — “Is he The One?”

Through those relationships (and heartbreaks) I learned to distinguish what’s truly matter and what’s not, I learned to see my own value, and I finally know what I really pursue in a person.

It’s really not easy finding someone who’s just made for you, logic plus experience tells us that there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect, but I believe that Mr. Right does exist..
For me, Mr. Right is someone who doesn't make sense for anyone else, who just doesnt work with others, but with you - everything fit perfectly. 

2015 was a devastating year for me, the worst heartbreak that I could possibly have.
On that moment I seriously thought that I would never be able to open my heart anymore. 
How could I open it if it’s only just some broken pieces?

But again, I was wrong. It’s always able to be opened, only by the right one. 

And the right one not just opened, he even fixed it J

This guy.. He came all in sudden.

I didn’t hear the ring of the bell or feel the butterflies flew on my stomach on the first day I met him, 

but somehow, there was a huge eagerness to know him better.

And the more days I spent with him, the better I know him, the more qualities I found.

See, I believe everyone has different criteria and priorities of what they search for in a man, 

but now as I grown up, I see lots of thing in different perspectives.

and he’s kinda has what I need..

Top of everything, kindness holds the top spot on my list — a characteristic I simply cannot live without.
And from the day one, it was his kindness that I straightly notice. 

He treats kids, waiters, friends, strangers and everyone around him gently and kindly. 

Can you imagine how he treat me? J

Days passed, turned out that he’s such a family man. 

He’s the fifth child, or the youngest we can say, and he’s the only man among his siblings. 

He treats her mother like a queen and his dad is his role model for life. He is so close with all his sisters, he knows each of his niece or nephew’s favorite toys, and he puts so much respect on his in laws.

He takes a really good care of his family, he doesn’t get shy to show his affection by hugging and kissing all member of family and he never forget to keep contact with them every single day. 

Can you imagine when he run his own family? J

Since he is such a family man, I guess it’s not hard for him to get along with mine.
He’s willing to take huge leaps to make sure my family and friends like him and see how much he cares for me.
He likes my family and i like his family, and it goes along with his family likes me and my family likes him.
I believe life is so much easier when we have each other’s family’s approval and blessings.
Everyone just gets along better, for the most part.

The closer we get, the more mesmerized I could be and I am surprised at just how much this guy notices about me, he knows all my particular particulars. 

He knows what-is-to and what-is-not to order for me at a restaurant, his gifts are thoughtful and magical, he cherishes everything about me and remember every little thing I say. 

It’s like, he listens twenty-four seven or something, 

and it’s always nice to have someone that actually listen.

For me, one of the biggest key to have a long and healthy relationship is having a great communication.

You and your partner should have the comfort to talk and share about everything that is going on in your life,
from the daily boring routines to your biggest dreams.
You need to be able to share and listen, and it should be balanced between the two of you. 

With him, I never run out of words. 

He pays a strong level of interest to my goals and dreams, he even always want to know how my day was. 

He whole-heartedly listen when I discuss something about my life and never make me feel like I’m boring him. 

I am, too, comfortable telling him everything because he makes me believe that he has my best interest at heart, and will always support me throughout my endeavors, and he never judge what I’ve done, because all I am now is a person he falls in love with.

Finding the one means searching for a partner to annoy for the rest of your life, 

but remember, he will annoy you too! 

See, nobody’s perfect, we were all made from a complex series of flaws. 

And this is one of the most important thing we should take a look from someone’s character, his flaws. 

See the way he gets angry, the way he gets jealous, the way he handle problems between you two. See him in his worst day. We can’t expect him to change, trust me, his bad habit will only get worse years by years.. 

you can’t change him, but you can choose carefully what kind of problems you want to face every single day. 

In my case, I have seen him on his worst, but he still treated me the best.

For a very short period, there are many things I adore from him. 

His work ethics, his vision about the future, his huge achievements in such young age, his big love for the family and many more things that I can’t mention one by one here. 

And I always knew that I need a person to admire.

I don’t know how it works but he makes me want to be a better person. 

He makes me want to get up early or learn to cook, he makes me check off everything on my bucket list, and conquer all of my bad habits. He’s overhauled things I thought I knew and wanted, and opened my eyes to a whole new (and better) world that I never knew existed. 

He doesn’t validate my existence, he brightens it. He lets me be me, and he loves every bit of that individuality.

He encourages me in my endeavors and celebrate my success, and I genuinely happy to do the same to him. We’re not competing each other on proving who can do better or proving who’s right or wrong. 

We make such a great team, and we seem to shine in each other’s company.

It must be fun to have life partner that has lots of thing in common,
from favorite hobbies to the same food that we hate. 

But trust me, it’s so hard to find that kind of person, in fact, we often meet a totally different character. 

And it’s totally okay darling.. 

I love seafood and he craves for meat, I never understand men who adores K-Pop and he turned out to be one (padahal pas pertama kenal ngakunya ga sukaaaa), I’m totally not a morning person and he starts his work at 7 at his office, we may well have some interests or hobbles that differ, but when it comes to the big things, we agree 100%. While we may not agree on every little thing, we’re on the same page where it matters. 

We have the same idea of how a relationship should be, what kind of marriage we would like to jump in, how to raise kids, and other long-term life decisions.

Our overall goals, ambitions, virtues and values match.

I do believe that the right one will never leave you wonder whether he loves you or not, 

the right one will never leave you hanging with “where this is going on” – kinda question,
because men basically like hunters, they always go hard for what they want. 

And for me, this is the best criteria He has, He always make me feel wanted. 

Through all his small gestures give such a big impact for me. He never leave my texts unanswered, he posts my picture in his social media, he always make time for me even in his busiest days, he takes me to his inner circle, he calls just to say he miss me, and even in my ugliest days – he never stop staring at me and say “I always admire your beauty”. 

He doesn’t make promises, he takes real actions. 

He owns up to our relationship, he shows the world that he is proud to have me. 

He makes me feel loved, secure, and treasured.

And yeah, from all those criteria above, i think my journey has come to its end when I met him, Emyr Giovanni, my own kind of mr. right.

Bali, 2016

Good Bye

I never knew that i would say this one day.
Because i heard exactly the click sound when the first time we met. the conversation which never stopped flowing, and the laughters we kept sharing.
I still remember hearing the heartbeats everytime your eyes met mine.

I really thought that you would be my last stop. The last destination i would rest my life with. Because baby, i knew that was something real that happened between us.

So many memories we have shared, so many movies we have watched, so many places we have visited, so many songs that became ours, yet so many plans that we should leave behind and never gonna happen..

I keep wondering, where did we go wrong? Because we came so close to perfection, you and i. Baby tell me, where did we go wrong?
I don't recall when did i stop loving you or when did i stop giving you my best. Baby do you recall?
I gave everything.. And everything seems to be nothing.

I don't know exactly when was the first time we took a different path, and when we realized, it's just too late, you were already so far to reach.. Baby tell me, where did we go wrong?

You know, these slides of our picts keep running in my head, and i still can't find the missing clip, the one that made us falling apart into this.
All i know is just.. You're gone.. You stopped fighting for us, you stopped letting the feeling grow.

Baby you said that you only want me, but you never tried to keep me. Baby you asked me to wait, but you left me hanging on the fragile edge. Baby you said you wouldnt ever leave me, but you just disappeared, left me alone without warning at all.

So many questions that i bet will never have the answers. I keep wondering why? Baby please, tell me why? But i guess the answer is clear, because when a man loves, you won't have time to wonder whether he still love you or not. When a man loves, you just know, you just feel.

Maybe the hardest thing is to accept the fact that i lost the battle. The kind of a battle that i have given all my best efforts into.
to accept the fact that it is possible to give your whole heart and love someone too deep but never get the same result in return.
to accept that sometimes, we can't have it all.
to accept that what we really want maybe just not the best for us.
to accept the fact that the one you love the most is the one that able to hurt you worst.
to accept the fact that the one you want, doesn't want you back.

And to accept the fact that i really need to stop wasting my time by being sad over things that doesn't even think about me.

I need to start believing in love again. I need to be brave to welcome the new beginning. I need to respect the one who's willing to be with me, the one whose actions stay true to his words.

But first of all, i need to let go.

So here i am, saying words that i never thought i would say to you, good bye.